Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Aren't We Tired of Faking it Until We Make It?

I mean, seriously ... I know you're supposed to learn through experimentation and making mistakes but there is a point that if you're not picking it up then it's time to take a deep breath and realize that maybe this isn't what I should be doing ... consider it, think about a plan b thru z ... just because you want something really bad you still need the skills to do the work.  
It's hard to accept I'm sure, believe it or not I've had to accept such truths about myself too ... alas I was never going to make it as a professional beach volleyball player. I mean all that time in the sun wasn't good for my skin ... so you see I have had to face some pretty seriously hard to deal with things so,you know, Go on ... you can do it too. 
Stand up, clean the orange dusting of cheetos from your lips and say with pride, I am NOT a model, I just wanted to see how many people wanted to shoot me naked, even though I wouldn't let them ... or at least, not all of them (nod to Lojo).


If you answer yes to most or any of these questions you probably aren't a model.

1. Do you lie about your height ... because you have to?
2a. Do you have lots of pictures in your portfolio that are from the same shoot?
2b. Is one of them a picture of you in a denim jumpsuit or overalls?
3. Do you lie about your age ... because you have to?
4a. Do you have pictures in your portfolio more than 10 years old?
4b. And you were 21 in them?
5. Do you have a HUGE ass? ... you might not be a model but, give me your number ;) I kidding I kidding 
6. Do you lie about your weight ... because you have to?
7a. Do you have a tough time fitting into the samples?
7b. or finding clothes that fit?
8. Do you become ridiculously shy and stiff when shooting begins?
9. Is your best "look": SLUT? again, you might not be a model but... :P again I kidding I kidding
10. Your best picture is the one your friend took of you at Disney world and you just love your hair in the picture?

If you have answered "YES" to any of the above, you may in fact, NOT be a model ... but there is hope for you yet, think about taking that position at register 4 at the wal-mart on route 4 ... you know the one, just past the John Deere service center and the dairy queen, who knows you just might make manager and you know what? When they come to take your picture to place on the wall over the front entrance ... you can tell them that you used to be a model (sort of)!!!


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